Most of us have surely felt like victims at some point. Perhaps you were a victim of circumstance, a victim of an unfair situation, or something much worse such as crime, abuse, or racism. If these events are in the past does it help you to identify as a victim now? Does feeling like a victim empower you to change?
When you look at examples of people who have faced adversity and successfully overcome their challenges, perhaps against difficult odds, I am confident they do not see themselves as victims. Take the example of Nick Vujicic, a man born without arms or legs. Besides the obvious physical challenges, Nick faced intense bullying and discrimination, making a difficult situation even worse. Despite this Nick learned to swim, surf, and even play golf using only his feet and he has become a successful motivational speaker, inspiring millions.
Another example is Bethany Hamilton who, at age 13, lost her arm in a shark attack while surfing. Only weeks after the attack Bethany was back on the water, leaning to surf with one arm and continuing to work toward her dream of becoming a professional surfer. Not only did she go on to surf professionally and inspire others with her story of resilience, but she has actively promotes the need for shark conservation.
There are many people whose circumstances would make it completely understandable for them to be considered a victim. Instead such people, like the two I have mentioned, do not let life's challenges keep them from their potential. They are people who likely don’t see themselves as victims. Creating an identity around challenging past events keeps you stuck in the past and limits your potential.
I too used to feel like a victim; a victim of myself. I felt like I was the victim of a defective brain and generally being a defective human being. When things went wrong I felt like a victim of the system or of a difficult and unforgiving life. We see the world through the filter of our beliefs and my beliefs saw the world working against me. My self-pity and a sense that nothing ever worked out for me made me feel as if I could not succeed no matter what I tried. My beliefs kept me in the victim trap.
If I now observe someone who is a victim of a challenging situation my first impulse is usually compassion and empathy. Then I ask myself: can I help this person? If you feel like a victim you can use this same process with yourself. Be compassionate with yourself. This means avoiding blame or self-criticism. From there you can ask, how can I help myself or what help do I need? Do I need therapy to overcome trauma? Who can support me in my desire for change? To avoid the victim trap, focus on what you can do rather than what you can’t do. Otherwise, the victim trap will undermine your potential and your happiness.
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