Our brains are hardwired to detect danger, which makes us naturally more attuned to problems and what’s wrong in the world than to what’s good. This is why "good news" newspapers often struggle—people generally follow the news to stay alert to potential dangers or conditions that could negatively impact them. To notice the good, often requires us to make a conscious effort to seek it out.
A significant source of unhappiness stems from our focus on what’s wrong. I frequently hear people complain about their “first-world problems,” forgetting how fortunate they actually are. Clients have come to me after leaving jobs they were unhappy with, only to realize they had it better in their previous role. Similarly, some people leave relationships only to discover how much they miss about their ex-partner. It’s easy to find fault with those closest to us or to blame our current situation when we feel dissatisfied, but perhaps the issue lies in our perspective.
One reason we often overlook how good we have it is our tendency to compare ourselves to others. When we see others achieving things we haven’t, it can lead to discontent, making it seem like our lives fall short by comparison. Be cautious with comparisons; it’s easy to see the benefits of someone else’s situation without recognizing the drawbacks.
Complaining is another habit that can blind us to the good things in our lives. The more we complain, the more we reinforce a negative outlook, making it harder to see our situation clearly and assess it fairly. Are external situations really the cause of our discontent or is there a deeper inner need that is not being met?
I’m not suggesting that people ignore real problems or convince themselves everything is fine when it’s not. Rather, I encourage you to examine situations you’re unhappy with from multiple perspectives. Often, what we complain about is merely a symptom of deeper dissatisfaction within ourselves.
Far too many people leave one situation only to find that their new one is the same or even worse. I encourage people to make changes only when they are clear on what they truly want. This way, you can leave your current situation with gratitude and move toward what you desire, rather than just away from what you don’t. When you appreciate what you have and choose to make a change for positive reasons, you’re more likely to find happiness in that change. Or you may find more happiness in what you already have.
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