I’ve spent many years trying to understand myself and the human condition better. As someone who has pursued a variety of distractions in my life other than trying to avoid or suppress thoughts and feelings, I am well aware of the power such habits have over us. In my writing, I have pointed out that we all seek some kind of distraction. Sometimes, these are obvious, like consuming substances, various forms of entertainment, shopping, or sex. However, some distractions are less recognisable, like the drama we seek out in relationships and the work or hobbies we become obsessed with. Regardless of what method we choose, what are we trying to achieve other than avoiding the inevitable?
A much clearer answer to this question came to me through Dr Alok Kanojia, or Dr K, as he is known on his YouTube channel, Healthy Gamer. Dr K admits he used to be a gaming addict before studying to be a monk in India and then completing his Doctorate in Psychiatry at Harvard. His channel contains a wealth of knowledge that is presented in a way that is easy to understand even by me. It was here that I came to better understand something I couldn’t articulate very well before. It turns out that what I have been referring to as distraction is really an attempt at emotional regulation. We distract ourselves to regulate or alleviate the emotions we are feeling.
Distraction is then an attempt at changing our emotional state. If we feel stressed, unhappy, bored, or in some way uncomfortable, we engage in activities that help us change our state, even if only temporarily. Once we understand the goal of our actions, it becomes easier to change the strategies we employ to achieve our goals. Awareness allows change. :)
If the reason we distract ourselves is to change our state but the methods we use to create this change are disruptive or even harmful to ourselves and others, recognising our strategy is the first step. A person may know that they have a drink or smoke to relieve stress, but what other habits have they developed as a coping mechanism to deal with their emotions? Whether addictions or just bad habits, the behaviours we develop to distract ourselves and alleviate strong emotions, our solution can be worse than the emotion we are avoiding. This can create a vicious cycle of habits leading to results that make us feel bad, causing us to pursue a distraction.
As with any habit change, it can be very effective to replace an existing habit with a new, more positive one. For example, exercise and meditation are great stress relievers, but a substance may be more convenient and work more quickly. Life is full of trade-offs, but if your remedies for how you feel have too many negative side effects, it may be time to consider a new approach. Working with a coach or a mental health practitioner can help you identify and work through some of your negative strategies toward emotional regulation. Once you know why you do what you do, you can find other ways to change your state. Music, nature, pets, deep breathing, or exercise are just a few things we can engage with to change our state without the negative side effects your other distractions may come with. Once you find better ways to change your state, you will be on your way to more moments of authentic happiness.
Comments